IMHO: Rewriting the rules: governing with grace

“Give yourself some grace” – that was the advice from a video I recently watched on the experience of perimenopause – a message with much wider implications for women in governance. 

Both as women and as board members, we are hardwired for continuous improvement, always considering how we can do better, be better and provide more value. We’ve done this since we were young, striving to prove our worth and worthiness in a world where being equal to others wasn’t enough.  

When I was approached to write about what women can do to support other women in governance, I realised how tired I am of the ‘do more, be more’ narrative – and decided it was time to flip the script.

Let’s all just take a breath and face the truth – we are already enough.

If you’re a woman on a board, you are enough.

If you’re a woman trying to develop your governance career, you are enough.

We don’t have to do more work. We need to give ourselves permission to do less, to give ourselves grace, to breathe, and to participate with equal effort on a playing field that needs to come back into balance. 

When I was a young, single mum of two, I often found myself asking for help from other solo mothers who would look after my kids now and again so I could do that extra bit of work to grow my business or attend a meeting. They gave me back some precious time to go and do the things that helped to recharge my batteries. Yet, their emotional, mental and physical wells were also dry.

Why wasn’t I reaching out to those who already had support and time to spare?  

I realised later that the reason I relied on other single mums was because they understood where I was coming from – without me having to explain or do the emotional work to raise their awareness so they would act.

The same dynamic is at play when women are asked to step up and do more to support other women in governance. We make that request of other women because we know they will understand what other women are going through because they’ve been there, too. 

Again, the problem here is that their wells are also dry and, in many cases, they may feel they are just hanging in there themselves.

But the cycle continues, and we rely on other women like us because it’s so much easier. 

So, who are the people at the board table who have the energy, time and bandwidth to support the equity, diversity and change that is needed? 

It’s those who don’t have to fight for a seat at the table. Those for whom the pathway to governance has been candlelit with several decades of effortless – and often unacknowledged privilege. What they don’t realise is that opportunities are not equal, and success can’t come without equal access, especially when, in many cases, the doors are bolted shut. 

So, as women in governance, let’s give each other room to breathe and equal opportunities that don’t come with the penalty of burnout as the price of entry. It’s time we claimed the right to govern with that grace. 

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Jacquie Boer MInstD has been a board member/trustee for a range of not-for-profit entities in the tourism and heritage sectors for the past 13 years. She is currently a director of CCO Innovative Waste Kaikōura and Deputy Chair of the national committee of the Public Relations Institute of New Zealand. She also owns public relations consultancy WPR, specialising in crisis and issue management, and media and community relations.